Yellowriter

I had a dream last night that got me thinking.  In the dream I was talking to someone whom we (my wife and I) used to be close to.  A situation happened and there ended up being a great deal of hurt feelings.  I think that Christmas cards weren’t sent for a couple of years!  That’s serious!  The crux of the dream was her trying to put guilt on me for the poor decision she had made.  Of course she played the “Christian Guilt” card saying, “I thought you CLAIMED to be a Christian!”  Her tone was accusatory and I responded by telling her that I did not plan to rehash that event.  It was over, there is forgiveness, and it simply would not be profitable to bring up all of that ancient junk.  I was calm and controlled, but then again, I’m in the ten percent.

The word “tithe” used to be more common than it is today.  It is a reference in the Bible to the percent of giving that was the standard for Jews in the Old Testament.  It was more than money and more often than not included animals, produce and olive oil.  The stuff you cook with, not Popeye’s girlfriend.  The ten percent in those times often equated to about twenty-three and a half percent.  That sounds stiff, but it was actually a deal.  Before the Kings of Israel, the Jews lived under a theocracy so the twenty plus percent covered the government and the Lord (who basically was the government).

Today we talk about tithes.  You can always tell a Mormon because they use the noun, “tithe,” like a verb.  They say, “I paid my titheing.”  This is an improper use of a noun as a verb and should be punished, but with all of the other abuses in the English language, I suppose we can let this one slide.  I’ve done my share of butchering words and phrases so I’m probably not the best judge.

The tithe I want to discuss is the reality tithe.  I’ve learned that about nine out of ten people don’t live in the same world as I do.  About ninety percent of people create their own reality.  When Annie and I are going to make a decision that requires resources, we sit down with pencil and paper and crunch the numbers.  In five minutes we know whether this can be done.  It is real world stuff and it is so basis, but so many people live in a bubble.  It isn’t just about money, but a side note is that if millions of people would have run the numbers instead of trusting creative financing wizards we would not be in the economic slump that we find ourselves in as Americans.  “But I want” rules the day.  When I married before my ex-mother-in-law (the most beautiful phrase on the planet) was always pressuring me to buy a new car.  My response was “I cannot afford a new car and continue my tithe and charitable giving.”  When my marriage was in trouble I ignored the math and bought a new vehicle.  My giving stopped and so did my marriage.  It is real world stuff that I had to learn the hard way.

Annie (my wife) had lunch with a bubble woman yesterday.  She sat there in her dream world talking about her two daughters.  She painted them as angels, but let’s just say that they don’t live up to their billing.  This woman (in the 90%) believes what she says.  She simply has to make her own reality - the truth is too hard to bear.  It is a form of denial and I’m telling you it is rampant in our culture.  The sad part is that bubble people rarely change; they can’t.  It would destroy the empire that they have mentally constructed.  So what’s the answer?

The answer is not to knock them over with the truth.  Yes, Jack Nicholson’s words are ringing in your head, “You can’t handle the truth!”  And Jack is right.  The best thing to do is to lead by example.  To tell them what may happen on their current path will not be received.  I had two friends with young sons.   They were both bubble dads.  In the early eighties I told both of these men that they had to alter the paths of their boys.  They both laughed when I confronted them.  I should say that these two men I knew did not know one another.  One was a friend from my youth and the other was a man I met in college.  “If you don’t step in your son will one day go to prison,” I told them on separate occasions.  Today, both of these fathers have ex-convicts for sons.

Just because you live in the real world it does not mean that you have the power to change the ninety percent who don’t.  Try to be kind.  Hold back.  Don’t give advice unless asked.  You can’t change someone else.  They have to have the “want to” to live in the real world.  Just let them live in their made-up domain and think that they are happy.  The real world is a cruel and cold place.  If you are part of the reality tithe then welcome to the trenches.  It isn’t that we are smarter or more gifted than the ninety percent.  We aren’t.  Our perception is simply different from theirs.  The reality tithe used to bother me, but then I got realistic about it.  Maybe God wants it this way.